Just a little update. Love my job. It keeps me busy and challenged, but that's good. We moved into this duplex and just 8 weeks later were evicted because our Landlord went bankrupt. YES, it is possible to have to move 3 times in under 8 months- life IS that cruel! I am still training as best I can to race again next year. I have lost a total of 38 lbs. Hope I don't lose any more or I'll have nothing left to wear!!
The children are doing well. Hubby & I are still trying to hold this marriage together, but it is gasping for breath.
During some of the darkest times of my life, I have looked to the sufferings of others to find strength. There are many who endured horrendously cruel ordeals. They worked through it somehow and so will I.
I realized today that in this life, some must bear the wounds. They must feel great pain and darkness. Once they emerge from the suffering, they can then be a source of encouragement to others facing their own set of challenges.
To suffer is a tremendous priviledge in that respect. It is to be embraced for a time, but it cannot last forever. The human heart only has so much strength to hold out for brighter days.
When I hurt the most, I try to find some other sufferer and lift their burden as well I can.
Being on the outside of organized religion allows me to do that in a whole new way. I don't have to wait on a church board, or the one in charge of outreach to get out there and make a difference. I see a need and try to fill it as best I can. This is a very freeing thing for me.
There are many things about God I do not understand, but I love Jesus Christ, the renegade rebel. He loved when others hated. Accepted those others rejected. If He was here today, I would most certainly fall at His feet and worship Him and be welcomed.
He suffered greatly, yet loved so deeply. This is the level of greatness I aspire to.