Coming Out of the Dark?

We are now living in a 4 bdrm, 2 bth duplex on an old Air Force Base. Hubby & I both have work. I resigned my post at the YMCA 2 weeks ago due to some foolishness that was going on behind the scenes. Last week I got hired at a place called 'The W'. I am now in management for the first time with salary and I think this is a place that I can really dig in. My new job is only 2 miles from where we live so Winter snow will not be much of a problem.

Been putting my horse skills to good use working with disabled children in a Therapeutic Riding program. I am finding it very rewarding to work in this capacity. We help stretch twisted little limbs and put kids on horses. Riding strengthens core muscles and increases confidence. It encourages Autistic children to come out of their shells more. A lot of these kids will never run and feel the wind in their faces. The horses help give them some of that. One person leads the horse while 2 of us walk/jog along beside. If the child falls, we catch them.

I've been biking quite a bit. (Lost a total of 30lbs throughout this ordeal and want to keep it off.) Hope to race next year...

Jay & I are still trying to salvage whats left of our relationship in order to keep this family together.

Well, we aren't celebrating too much yet, but it looks like MAYBE, just maybe we are seeing some kind of light at the end of the tunnel now...

I'm Still Alive...

Just so you know, I've had limited time & access for blogging. Hope to be up and running again soon. We are out of the boarding house and living in a Duplex now, so at least we have our own space. Not sure if we are going to stay together or not. Life has a way of killing joy, love, passion. Martina McBride puts it this way, "No love can survive for long like this, when you're standing on a bridge that's always burning..." All I have ever craved has been some sort of stability. Instead I've moved every 2 years my entire life, chaos has been the main course, and I have always felt like an expendable side-item to my husband. He says he wants me in his life, and he will make promises and put forth effort for a short time, then it's back to the same ol'. I am a nurturer- or at least I was before the most recent storm hit- now I have this incredible numbness inside. I am angry and grieving. I am alone. Terribly alone. Most of the time I feel strong. I'm still smiling and the people at work probably don't have a clue how I'm feeling inside. I am pretty-much invisible at this point.

I'm doing okay. My world has fallen apart. I am coping the best way I know how- staying busy, working out and trying to keep some semblance of "normal' for the kids. I have lost 30 lbs- which isn't a bad thing. Everything I believed in has been shattered. (I'm not sure I even want to record this part of my journey.) Very painful, extremely lonely and uncertain as to my future.

Make good choices in life, because every choice has consequences- either good or bad. We have to live with the decisions we make or break-away and hope for something better. At this point, I am in limbo as to which path I will choose. I am a lost sheep...