So many changes in such a short span of time- my head is still reeling...
I am enjoying my work as the Fitness & Wellness Coordinator for the 'W'. This is the first major good thing to happen in my life for a very long time. I'm still holding my breath, because after a loooong run of terrible luck it's hard to relax and believe that maybe something will go my way. So far, so good with my new position...
The children, bless their hearts have done so well through all of this. They start school next week. We have tried to keep the stress in our lives from affecting them as much as possible.
Our marriage is still in flux. Not sure what to do about it. The past 14 yrs were not exactly a picnic for me. He was all caught up in his career, but I was bored, lonely and taken for granted for most of this relationship. I need some kind of stability financially & emotionally. That has never happened. So here we are forced to start over in our 30's and the big question on my mind is "Do I really want to start over with this man? Will things improve between us or will the next 14 yrs between us be as dull as the last." I cannot live my life that way. It was very difficult. (No, I don't have anyone else, so this is not about going after another man.) When I got married, I was only 19, but I meant it for life. Now, I'm just not sure anymore. We have very different personalities. I'm a go-getter and he's just so laid back. He's a good student, but beyond that, he's like a turtle and I'm a cheetah. There is so much at stake here. I want to spare my children the chaos I went through as a child due to my parents divorces. Never dated much, only had 1 sorta serious relationship besides him, so I don't have anything to compare it with. He's a great guy, I'm not sure I'm the one he needs either. He says he's ready to change. When I asked for separation and took off my wedding band, that got his attention. Says he loves me more now than ever. We'll see... Lots to think about...
Hubby is registered for school- starts tomorrow.
I have been training for the Bike Fest next summer. Hope to at least finish the race in top 12. It will be tough to keep up my training during heavy Winter months, but should have enough Spring to crank it up again before the big event.
Well, now you know I'm still alive and kickin'.
About Me
- Trailady
- I'm just a lady on a journey. A passionate, creative, spiritually-minded soul of Scot-Irish descent. This mother of 4 often has more questions than answers. Friendly with a sense of humor. A moderate & independent thinker who believes in hope, healing & balance. I'm learning to live abundantly by loving ALL people. My blogs are active. Like to hear from people of all persuasions. Thanks for stopping by! :o)
12 comments:
Thanks for posting, been thinking about you as usual. I'm glad you like your job, that has to be a relief to be doing something you enjoy.
I understand so much of what you're going through. I will continue to pray for your marriage and trust God to provide you with answers.
Thanks Erin, you are a treasure!!
Hi TL,
I'm glad to hear from you. I hope you find what it is you are seeking.
Brian aka hummingbunny
WOW... prayin for y'all
Wow - a post! Praying that you will return to joy!
Hi Trailady;
Relationships can be so very hard at times. My first marriage before becoming a follower of Jesus ended in divorce, it was a horror.
Thanks for being so open and vulnerable in your articles…
I want you to know that I have presented you with an award, come and get it from my blog http://lifeontheblade.blogspot.com/ under the article “Awards…for me…?”
Glad to hear from you after such a long time. Hope to see you back soon in the world of blogging :)
Loads of prayers n love..
Take care
Can't tell you what to do. However, the other major decision that you have made will certainly open new avenues formerly unavailable to you. All the best to you. Blessings
still praying for you all, and keep up the biking, that's a worthy goal.
It's a lonely and scary place to be. You are such a lovely person. I wish I could take away all the confusion and pain. Somewhere in the both of you there is the person that you each fell in love with. I hope you can find them. Hugs, girl!!
I didn't know where to post this, since the next post is about racial heritage. I just wanted to offer this bit of advice, and hesitated because i didn't want to sound like a know-it-all.
You talk about your early marriage (getting married young) as if you are unsure about it because you haven't known much besides being married to your husband....however, maybe you don't realize how special it is that you have a marriage that is rooted so early in life. Many don't have that.
Also, now you two have had to uproot yourselves from the community you had in Tennessee, so you don't have the community you had so support you through the difficulties in marriage that you are experiencing, nor do you have the accountability that you had. This is dangerous for you, and at least it helps to realize that.
You both need the help of counselors to get you through the tough times you are going through. It would help if you had the familiar people you had, but at least if you realize the need for counselors in what you are going through, you can seek that, and it may get you through the tough times.
This is what I was thinking, and maybe it was the Holy Spirit directing me.
Peace.
P.S. I forgot. It would also be good if no one has shared with you...there are those who have been divorced who have told me that there are consequences to divorce, and that one should consider that.
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