The "Secret Female Code" Shhhhh

The past week was interesting! :o)

The aggressive growth in my face was benign and was removed last Tuesday. I have stitches & a bandage on my face until the stitches come out this Tuesday. Went to a plastic surgeon and he did a good job, so hopefully, there will be no scar.

I arrived at work Thurs. discover the old weight machines that I wanted removed were finally being disassembled and taken OUT of the Fitness Center. YEAH!! Out with the old and in with the New.

A $20,000 grant came through for us. Mr. Grumpy-pants from the Health Department must've liked my kind response to his rude e-mail because when he showed up with the paperwork Fri, he was really nice- almost apologetic and had added an extra $1,000 to the grant money he had promised for a total of $9,500! :o) (I won't be in any newpaper photos for these though, because, frankly I'm not lookin' so hot with stitches in my face.) Oh well. Maybe we'll find a curly, red wig for Coach Hill and let him accept the checks. Ha ha ha

Two fitness instructors pulled out. They are BFF's and after teaching the same classes for years, I think they finally just got burned out. So, it looks like, when 2008 begins, I'll be teaching 'Kick-boxing' Mon, 'Pilates' Wed & 'Interval Cardio' Fri. Still teaching 'Strength & Stretch' Mon, Wed, Fri mornings and coaching FITT Kids twice a week. In addition to these, if the Spinning grant comes through I'm gonna be teaching that twice a week. Seriously though, it would be nice to hire another instructor! See, I get paid to have recess all day. Whoo-hoooo!!

Man, I'd better at least finish the blasted bike race this summer for all the workin' out I'm doing. Keep your fingers crossed for me on that- K? It's been so long since I've competed, just not sure I've got an edge. Lance Armstrong inspires me because he's older and has done so well. Brett Farve is amazing and 3 Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders are older than me, so that makes me feel better.

The girls are doing well- growing like weeds! The offer on the house next door was accepted and I hope we can be in by the New Year.

My son got a B+ for his big writing project- I'm very proud. Each kid in the 5th grade had to invent a world & write about it. He finally brought the finished project home. I opened the cover on which he drew a picture of the imaginary place and the very first page says, "I, Jared dedicate 'Ice World' to my Mom who always sparked my imagination as a small child." (Okay, that is so sweet, I still tear up just thinking about it.) This is one of the memories that will be placed in my old hope chest with other little momentos of my children. I spent several hours each day for nearly 8 yrs, reading and telling stories to my kids. (Due to the strict nature of our religious beliefs, we had NO television until the last 3 years) I taught each of the kids to read because I wanted to be the one who gave them the gift of words. My littlest one, Josie now reads like a champ in 1st grade. :o)

Okay, one short little rant and I'll feel better: lol

I'm standing in the Fitness Center talking to one of my new Personal Trainers. He's a really nice guy- competitive body-builder. Anyway, we probably talked a good 20 mins while I was waiting for the floors to dry so I could start moving equipment. There was nothing inappropriate said and several feet between us. 3 older ladies were walking the track. I said, "Hello" when they first started and they all smiled. But after they had gone by several times, one of them started shooting me "the look". I HATE that look! It's the dirty look that says, "You little hussy, who do you think you are talking to that man?!" This happened two or three times and she was VERY CLEARLY trying to send me a message.

Okay, lady GET a LIFE! He's married with 3 kids, he is MY employee and I'm gonna have to interact with him sooner or later. Don't be hatin' on me 'cause I get to talk to him and YOU don't. Besides, if I was hittin' on him, would I be doin' that in public.... with a big BANDAID on my face?!

In the end, I went ahead and cut the conversation short and he left. When the ladies were done walking the track, they settled into the Cardio room. I walked right past them on my way out, smiled and said, "Well, hello again!" The staring lady looked at me coldly and said, "So, you know Daryl, huh?" I said, "Yes, he works for me" and she said, "Well, I work at the dental office where he, his WIFE and children go." Yep, the lady was sending me a message. This kind of thing seems to happen no matter where I go and I'm SICK of it!

So, here is a tongue-in-cheek reveal of the rules of insanity women make up for other women concerning "appropriate" social behavior:

1) You are only allowed to talk to men I'm not secretly attracted to.
2) If I think you are younger, hotter, popular or more successful than me, I will HATE you- it's just the natural order of things.
3) If you are talking to someone of the opposite sex and your spouse, nor their spouse are present, that automatically means an affair has/is or is gonna happen and I am automatically entitled to be suspicious and to voice my suspicions to everyone I feel may be interested in a little dirt fest.
4) You are not allowed to speak to any male that me, my Mother, sister, Aunt's cousin or roomate may even be remotely interested in. We may NEVER let on that he is the object of our fantasy lives, but you'd better just KNOW- that's how "the code" works.
5) If I send you the hate stare, it's not bluffing, I REALLY DO hate you and when you see the signal, you'd better respond by cowering and ending whatever interaction you are having with my secret hottie ASAP.
6) If you are fit and/or have a nice body, I automatically have the right to berate you to all my girlfriends by saying that you've had a boob job and wear a wig. If your name ever comes up in conversation when any male is present, I am entitled to enlighten him as to your every flaw. "Who her? Well, I saw her in the locker room once shaving her beard".... "You know, underneath all those workout clothes, she is grotesquely disfigured." You HAVE been warned!
7) You should automatically KNOW when I have PMS and stay out of my way! Hisssssss
8) If I don't like cars, action films, sports, the great outdoors or fitness, then you can't like that stuff either or the guys may think you are cooler than me and I WON'T allow it.
9) The only reason any woman interacts with any man is because she's offering a piece. Friendship between a mature male & female simply is NOT possible so don't even go there, lil' miss innocent.
10) You are NEVER allowed to be friendly, confident or successful. I am the only one allowed to be that way and I ALWAYS deserve to be the center of attention. If I suck on Karaoke night, you better not do better than me. You should be content to keep silent and stay OUT of my way...
11) If you fail to abide by any portion of "the secret female code" I am then free to destroy you in any way I deem necessary to make myself look or feel better than you.

Can any of you ladies relate? Have you ever fallen victim to "the secret female code"? Guys be glad you get to live by different rules. I wonder, is there a male code, we ladies don't know about??? If so, do tell....