Wild Weekend!

Wow- is all I can say. Life just blows me out of the water sometimes!

Met up with an old friend for dinner this weekend. We had an amazing conversation and talked for hours. She is a kindred spirit and someone I feel I can be completely honest with. God has placed several of these persons in my life and I'm very grateful. Trisha if you read this, THANK YOU a million times over for thinking of me, meeting up with me and treating me to dinner. Bless you! Next time, it's on me...

Saturday morning we slept in and had a leisurely brunch with the kids. About 11:00am, we got a bizarre phone call. Jay picked up and this guy said, "Wheresdaweedat?" Jay didn't understand what he was trying to say, so the man repeated himself, "WheresDAweedAT?". Jay still didn't get it and said, "I'm sorry, you must have the wrong number". The guy said, "Is this Jay?" "Yeah" "Then I want my puff-puff!" Jay said, "I don't know what you're talking about." To which the man replied, "Don't F--- with me man, I want my stuff!" Jay said, "Look, I don't have your stuff and I don't know what you're talking about". The caller said, "Man, I know what paper routes you run and I will shoot you down". Jay hung up. (Guess the dummy didn't know we have caller ID and got his name & number) We called the Newspaper to inquire and turns out the guy is a former employee who quit and stole over a thousand dollars from the paper. The Police came out to talk to us and everything. Apparently, my husband unknowingly got in the middle of a drug-traffic ring that was using Newspaper racks. He inadvertantly threw out what appeared to be some wadded up trash in a rack and a bag of drugs was in amongst the wadded up paper. Anyway, kinda scary! Jay sees this as a sure sign it's time for us to move on...

Honestly, Jay has had it pretty bad the past 3 yrs. He's worn out, completely humbled- devastated is more like it. Getting fired from an 11 yr career and going bankrupt has a way of doing that to a man. Now he's exhausted from working 2 jobs. You know things are bad when a 36 yr old man is too tired to even "show interest" in his wife. Everything we've done to stay in this area has fallen through. The little house we were hoping to rent is now for sale and we can't afford to buy it. Besides, who's going to give us a loan now? Looks like we are headed to MI- at least for a while. I was supposed to be in a friends wedding this April, now I'm probably going to have to miss it. Hate to break the news to the happy couple.
Today I had to tell MofM that I will no longer be able to sing with them. It was a tough announcement on my part as I love these girls. We cried and prayed together. They seem to understand and feel the gravity of my situation. I really love them, we've had a lot of good times working together- although we've had our share of differences, we stayed together and have done a lot of minstry. I don't know what will happen now, perhaps I'm just not meant to be a musician? Maybe all the rest of the songs I've written will remain in my folder unheard?? I'm not getting any younger... and unfortunately youthful looks are important. In a way, I'm ready just to give up on it. It's not like I want to be a big, famous label artist or anything. Those people have it tough and they are pretty much owned. I just want to make recordings of my songs and be able to perform from time to time- for posterity mostly.

Jay wants to stay in the apartment of some good friends up north, relax and pull ourselves and our marriage back together. He may be working at a Medical Supply company, then after we have healed a bit and saved up some money, we will head out to Montana- the dream state. Always knew in my heart we'd probably end up out there in the fresh air, but I thought it would be after our kids were older and we had done our music. Oh well, I know God has a plan in all of this chaos. We need time to re-connect as a family.

As I pack these boxes, in many ways it feels like I'm packing away my dreams. Perhaps I will never rise above the status I was born to. Sometimes I feel like a big NOTHING. In the hardest of times I always held on thinking someday things would be better. I know God better now than ever. He loves me and for some reason, He deems these trials necessary for my growth. I'm thankful that I still have a family- that's what matters most.

It seems very surreal that in just a few short weeks we will be leaving TN and heading for a new life. Years ago, moving was an adventure. Now I am dragging my feet, feeling sad and happy at the same time.