Hello God, it's me. You know me like no other. There are billions of other people out there suffering and praying and they are heavy on my heart, so I know You feel their pain even more. With so many other voices crying out, it's hard to comprehend how You can even hear me or consider my situation. When I was a girl and things were falling apart with my family, I was near the breaking point. My stomach was ulcerated and I was literally starving myself to death. You said that I should hold on because You were going to come through for me and strengthen my faith. I believed. You delivered.
Things in the world seem to be worse now and I know that's keeping You pretty busy. But could You please take a little time to look out for and prosper my family? Sometimes I feel that for the last 3 yrs You have absolutely turned Your face away from us and left us to Satan's torment. Will You ever bestow Your favor upon us in the future or are we cursed as some have said? People who look upon our situation are certain that we have committed some terrible sin or that we are just lazy, uneducated slackers. This is hard to bear.
Several weeks ago, I said a prayer asking You to come through for us. Now, You have 3 weeks in which to move on our behalf or the kids & I will be spending the Summer away from Jay while he gets established in his job and tries to find us a place to live. I'm sure he can do it, but I'm even more certain that YOU could if You deemed it necessary to move Your hand. The Bible says that You do not hold back any good thing. I consider a family staying together a good thing, but perhaps for some unknown reason it would be best for us to be apart for a while? The Bible also says that You are strong to defend. When will You start fighting for my family? When will You hedge us in and shield us from the evil one??
I know I am unworthy of ANY special favor. I've never asked You for an easy life, Lord. I'm willing to buckle down and endure hard times. I don't mind being stretched, but sooner or later the trial must end and the sun must shine or we will collapse- we are only human- have mercy. This morning as I stood watching my little girls sleeping, I felt such love for them. I know You love them even more, so will You please give us a future and some hope? I'm at the end of my strength. This situation is beyond us. Please, please hear us and turn this ship around from the course of disaster it's been on.
I do not understand Your ways, but I still believe You are the very definition of Good. I am counting down the days until I see a miracle...
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5 comments:
Hi sis,
This is such a heart touching post u published, n i m truely impressed with your faith in God with all the problems u facing in ur life. Today in my personal diary i have also written some what things like that and now after reading ur post i by myself is feeling much more strong n positive.
I am always with u in all ur prayers n thanks alot for ur post.
Stay happy n healthy.
Love.
Trailady,
I don't understand it either, but there is time involved between the beginning of needing a miracle, the seed of faith, and the growth of a miracle. My heart cries out for miracles from God too. I wait to see God come through too. But you are in the right place looking to Him for miracles instead of moving in the direction of losing faith and depending more on yourself. It has to pay off. Prayers and love are with you.
My heart cries out for you. As I read and as I'm writing I praying for you and your family's situation, too.
It is a blessing to me that I have helped you. I also want you to know that today I am fasting for my nephew, along with my mom, and I include you in my prayer and as I fast.
Trialady,
It's been such a long time since I wrote to you. I am sorry to hear of the stress and sadness in your life.
I read your prayer to God and I have a thought. Could it be that you are just simply not asking for the right thing?
God wants us to ask Him for what we want and need so I don't by any means think your prayer isn't vaild, sincere or anything at all like that.
What I mean to say is that it sounds to me as though you need God to help you accept HIS strength and HIS solution instead of relying only upon your own.
All I know sweetheart is that in all of the things that have happened in my life when I kept telling God what HE NEEDS to do to fix them He never did it.
He continued to love me and keep me safe from real harm but He let me struggle and struggle and seek my own answers and demand He fix things till I was blue in the face and worse in utter despair.
He didn't fix a thing the way I wanted it fixed.
I told Him to make me have to be more healthy...I got diabetis.
I told Him He needed to send me a man. I got Steve...an abusive man who hurt me in ways I am still healing from.
I told Him that I needed kids in my life and that He should provide them. My sister got to have a baby and I was denied being able to even foster kids because of my health.
I begged God...I told God I needed a best friend. I was so lonely...i thought my heart was going to break. I needed a best friend! PLEEEEASE. Now I meant a human who could hold me and comfort me through all of this stuff I was going through.
God sent a dog. A DOG Trialady a DOG! He was a stray and skinny with worms, fleas and a cough. Terrible just terrible.
I resucued the dog and took more than a week off work to nurse him back to health never realizing this scrawny little flea bitten peice of black fur was the answer to my prayer. At the time I was quite sure God had once again overlooked me.
Looking back...That was one of the best answers to prayers I've ever had.
I am not sure at what point it actually was...but sometime in the last 9 months of my miserable life I finally told God that I was absolutely done. I told Him that I didn't want to live like this anymore. I was tired and I was at a loss as to what to do. I finally prayed that HE take over and make my life whatever it was HE wanted it to be because I just couldn't do it anymore. I asked Him to please make me accept what ever it was that He decided because so far I hadn't liked what He had given me in the way of answers to prayer.
Not even a day after God and I had this conversation...He started fixing my life. Now HOW He fixed it I have to admitt was not exactly what I had in mind. However I've never been more content. This is not to say there aren't still trials but He's the one stuck solving them...not me.
So my advice....don't tell God you know He's busy but you hope He'll find the time to make things the way you want them to be. You instead tell God that you've done your best to solve these things and you are done period...it's in His lap and then when things come your way you don't see as an opportunity what-so-ever ask Him to help you remain open and let God do His stuff.
I love you...and you are in my prayers!
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