Human Sexuality & Faith

Can Faith & sexuality co-exist? For many, they do not, or barely do. Fact: many Christians are quite uncomfortable with their own sexuality. From early on, we are taught directly or indirectly that the body is sinful and evil, and sex is a big NO-NO. Many people in the faith I was raised in ascribe to a statement given to young wives by EGW that says it is sinful to deliberately stir up passion in the husband. She refers to arousal as being "lower passions", "base passions" and "inflamed animal passions". This negative attitude is very degrading to the very gift God created in us. EGW does not have much to say about 'Song of Solomon' and rightfully so- she was writing from a prudish Victorian culture. She had 4 children, so somewhere along the way she & James "connected". I cannot tell you how many tearful young wives from a similar background have confided in me that they hate sex and wish they could be married without it. I wonder how many people have lived without this enjoyment because of their prophet worship? A relative of mine reduced her husband to a desperate & frustrated man because, she was told by some health lecturer that couples are only supposed to have sex on the quarter moon. The husband died of Prostate Cancer in his early 50's. Studies show that men who have regular sexual activity have lower risk for PC.

Due to several instances of sexual abuse when I was under 16, I was absolutely terrified of my body and it's functions. Couple that with the writings of EGW and I was a real prude. I didn't date much because guys knew I wouldn't "put out"- I have no apologies about that. I was a virgin when my husband took me in marriage- as was he, but it took us 7 yrs before we were able to relax and embrace the gift of sex. We are meant for hard work, prayer AND pleasure. As Christians, it is considered honorable to work HARD. However, pleasure of any kind- is often taboo. Here are reasons why I believe God ordains healthy sexuality:

1.) The Skin- This is the biggest sensory organ of your body. We have billions of tiny little sensory receptors in the skin- it is meant to be touched and responds favorably to warmth. There are certain areas on the body referred to as errogenous zones. When these areas are stimulated, a sexual response occurs. These zones vary in all people, but common places are the lips, neck, chest, ears, wrist, inside of the upper arm, buttocks and inner thighs. A light touch to these areas can causes an enhanced awareness and an increase in blood flow to the genitals. Now, this is a natural response and not something for which to feel ashamed. Why would God design the skin in such a way if it were never to experience the pleasure of being touched? Babies in Neonatal Intensive Care Units have better survival rates when they are touched. As infants & toddlers we are held, kissed, cuddled and everyone is fine with that. However, there is an understood NO TOUCH policy for the age range of about 8 up. Parents stop touching & holding their children because they are too big to hold in the lap and for fear of being accused of molestation. This is a very confusing time for the young person who is awkward and insecure about his/her body. They need the affirmation of healthy touch- yet they are deprived. Many people in this age group rarely receive hugs, kisses or even pats on the back regularly. Is it any wonder they turn to boyfriends & girlfriends to fulfill their need for touch? WAKE UP parents and don't starve your teens for touch- they may act like they don't need it, but they do. The elderly also suffer- especially if they live away from family or have lost a spouse. Dr's actually recommend they have a small pet to care for- not only to keep them company, but to lay in their lap.

2.) Endorphins- When a couple engages in healthy sexual behavior and an orgasm is achieved, there are many benefits. Natural stress-relieving hormones called 'Endorphins' are released. These cause feelings of happiness, contentment, relaxation, sleepyness and security. Blood pressure is lowered and tension dissipates. There is no better feeling than falling asleep in the arms of your lover after intercourse.

3.) Most all of the biggies mentioned in the Bible were sexually active. Jacob, Abraham, David & Solomon even had more than one wife (gasp) and many children. Now I'm not reccomending more than one spouse here, but history shows these guys fully embraced their sexuality. Solomon and one of his wives actually write a book about their love life together. To our knowledge, New Testament writer, Paul was celibate as was Elijah, and mighty Daniel was likely a eunoch. (altered male- poor guy) However, Paul wholeheartedly endorses married couples to engage in regular doses of intercourse- only abstaining for short periods of time and with mutual consent.

I developed earlier than many of my peers- which brought a lot of uninvited "attention" and harassment. I felt embarassed and ashamed of my body most of my life- even starving myself and throwing up for many years to reduce the curviness of my shape. The uglier I looked, the safer and more "holy" I felt. Only in the past 5 yrs have I begun to accept myself & feel beautiful. (PS. Feeling beautiful starts on the inside) People have noticed that I seem more confidant. I do not have the words to adequately describe the awakening I am undergoing, but I feel like I am finally coming alive in so many ways. This is God's gift to me and it's amazing and terrifying at the same time. I'm no sexpert, but here's a little tongue-in-cheek Trailady advice to enhance sexuality- for what it's worth:

Wives, we shouldn't think for a moment that we can wear frumpy clothes and let ourselves go and still keep our men happy. Men are very visual, they are designed to appreciate beauty- why set him up to be lusting after other women? Taking care of ourselves and fixing up a little to enhance our assets is no sin. It shows that we value ourselves and our relationships. Long flannel nightgowns and shapeless jumper dresses- though comfortable are nothing to look at. Limp hair and pasty pale complexions are not attractive on anyone. Your smile is likely your most attactive feature. Whining, nagging and yelling are real turn-offs- men would rather work long hours at the office or go eat with the guys than come home to a grouch. If we act like sex is a chore- just another marital obligation our men feel rejected and unappreciated- whether they voice it or not. You see, God gave men a desire to make us feel good and we shouldn't deprive them of that. Make his favorite foods, learn to do things he enjoys, give him some genuine compliments and hang out with him as a friend- you might be amazed at his response. Cry on his shoulder once in a while, it makes him feel strong.

Husbands, don't think for a moment that you are justified in letting yourselves go either. Women like something good to look at too. A healthy relationship means being relaxed around each other but not GROSS. Just because she married you doesn't mean you can be rude & disgusting. She is your princess- if you treat her like that, romancing her, she will be more inclined to remain so. Women have a stronger sense of smell. To maximize attraction, bathe regularly, smell sweet, wash your hands before you touch her, keep breath sweet. Don't fart, pick your nose, stink up the bathroom while she's doing her hair, dig at your feet, crotch or rear end around her. She really doesn't want to share these unpleasantries with you! Help her out around the house, put the seat down and show an interest in her outside the bedroom. If you're trying to get her in the mood, watch your P's & Q's in this regard. Don't dive right in and grab her- take your time. Rub her shoulders, kiss her neck, whisper in her ear, play with her hair- talk to her. Women love to converse- great conversation is good foreplay! If she's had a bad day and she's really not in the mood, respect that and try some other time. If you want her to dress nice and look sharp, you should do the same for her. Don't hold a double standard, expecting her to be a fit little beauty queen for you while your gut unapologetically hangs over your belt. (Women carry the babies- what's your excuse?) When she's scared, hurt or sad, take her in your big strong arms and be her shelter. She will reward you well...

Be patient with one another. Sex is like fine art- takes a lot of time, work and creativity, but it's worth it.
There are foods that are bad for you, but you don't stop eating. Sex can be abused, but that doesn't mean we must avoid it. Reclaim it! Believers it is okay to embrace our sexuality to invest ourselves emotionally, spiritually AND physically in our spouses. Have fun! ;o)