Approval Addiction...

I just finished reading 'Approval Addiction' by Joyce Meyer. Wonderful book! Made things very clear for me. You see, for most of my life I have based my decisions on what other people think. I largely fell into the trap of legalism because I wanted the approval of fellow churchmembers. (I also had a little co-dependency in the mix) I could not say 'No' to people without feeling like a terrible failure. If someone didn't like me or agree with me, it ruined my day and I would stew inside. Well, after years of doing what I was told and doing backbends for everyone, I got mega burn-out. The realization came to me that it really IS impossible to please everyone. I grew up feeling like I needed to work hard to be acceptable. For example, when I was a girl the tan/blonde look was in. Now I am a natural auburn with incredibly fair skin. I was teased a lot. They called me 'Paleface', 'Casper' and made jokes about having to wear sunglasses to look at me. I was humiliated by the disapproval so, what did I do? I baked in the sun, frying my skin & put blonde color/highlights in my hair. Guess what? They still found something to pick on- only this time it was my freckles & moles. This carried over into my spiritual life. I felt such disappointment with myself when I made mistakes- surely God must be disgusted with me. Are YOU a human-doing instead of a human-being? Working hard to prove your worthiness to God?? People withold affection when they're not happy with us, so I thought it was the same with God. Well, I am coming to learn there is nothing I can do to make God love me more and no mistake I make will ever cause Him to love me less. I sang 'Jesus Loves Me' most of my life, but it never really sank in- I was too intimidated by my own weaknesses. I don't think I'm alone in that struggle. I feel it's safe to say that a vast majority of people out there feel unworthy and unloveable. What's the fix? Well, now I go to my Heavenly Father & connect every day- just so He can tell me how much He loves me. The Bible is one BIG love letter from God. Once I have His assurance, I am more loving to others because I'm not feeling rejected and angry inside. When I see how much my God approves of me, the opinions of other people really don't matter as much and I am free to live out my own convictions. If people don't like my looks, my message or my music- I'm okay with that- I can try to love them anyway. PS. Guess what? Trends change! Blondes are still beautiful, but fair redheads are in these days.... Julianne Moore, Gillian Anderson, Nicole Kidman, Lindsey Lohan, etc. Oh yeah- life is good!!! :o)