We Never Really Forget- Do We?

Firsts- there are sooo many! My first cat was a fluffy orange tom named Garfield 'aka' "Bubby". First dog was my beloved Lab mix, 'Timber' (I'll write more about her later). First horse was a beautiful bay named 'Brownie'. First kiss- BAD memory- we won't go there. I failed my first driving test. But my first love was amazing! We basically grew up together. Girls didn't really like me. I was teased quite a bit for being such a Tomboy, but Pete was a great friend- it was sorta puppy love! At every function, we always ended up together. Many people expected we would grow up and marry- I think we kinda thought so too, but the relationship ended when I decided to go off to college and he stayed on the farm. I knew it couldn't work out when one kiss goodnight felt like kissing my Grandpa. No fireworks at all. It was all very innocent. After a rather embarrassing fiasco of me trying to apologize to him for the way I ended the relationship, I never had anything to do with him again. He has never attempted to contact me since and I've learned to live my life without my friend of 12 yrs in it. Most of the time life is so busy I don't think about it! I have tried to guilt myself into forgetting the great times we had together growing up. (nothing sexual in nature ever happened) We worked on his parents' dairy farm, went for motorcycle/3-wheeler rides, played hide & seek, did volleyball tournaments, splashed in the creek & shared a love for music, etc. Most of all, I miss the laughter and great conversations we used to have. I will forever associate him and our times together on Crooked Creek Road with the best of my childhood memories. Every so often, something will remind me of him- I sigh & say a prayer for him. Hope he is happy in his marriage, that his work is rewarding and his children bring him much joy. I think I've reached some peace about missing him- not by burying my feelings, but by accepting that a part of me will always care about him. You don't share that many years with someone and just forget about them- as if they never existed. Well, at least I can't, I'm not wired that way. Admitting I miss him doesn't mean I love my husband any less and I've been very open about this from the start of our marriage. (My man understands, since he also remembers his first love and we talk about her from time to time.) Anyway, the BEST first of all my life is my husband of 13 years! Love you, Boy!!