Cuts Both Ways...

I learned early on that there are two sides to every story. Living through my parents two painful divorces taught me there is never a human side that is 100% foolproof and 100% right. Perhaps God let it be this way lest we become arrogant? I have a deep ability to feel both sides of the same story. Life can be very painful living this way and the sorrow can be overwhelming at times. I have a hard time standing up for myself sometimes because I can see the other side of the issue. However, if I don't take a stand & draw healthy boundaries nobody else is going to stand up for me.

So here I am, a citizen of the United States. I was born here, my children were born here and I love my country. I love the freedoms, opportunities and values that are STILL present and upheld by a large population. (Contrary to all the BAD press the war in the Middle East has brought us- Americans are NOT the great Satan. I'll stand up to anyone who says we are.) So, yes, I am somewhat patriotic and not ashamed to admit it. I love our troops and I support their families who are living without them while they serve in the desert. For those who have never been able to visit, the US is a beautiful country full of diversity. Our highway system is amazing! The landscape is gorgeous with everything from barren deserts and cascading mountain ranges, to rolling hills, flowing praries and ocean views. I don't agree with everything my President does. I don't agree with all the political games and tactics used overseas. But I am American and will remain so until my dying day.

However, I also feel for those accused who sit hopelessly in Guantanamo Bay having been denied the right to due process judicially. I weep for the mothers who bury their children after rockets go astray and hit civilian dwellings. My heart aches for those living in the worst imagineable conditions because of war. If I could give blankets, shoes & rice to refugees, I most certainly would. However, I'm just barely able to feed my family. I wept for days after seeing a photo and reading the story of an Iraqi man who buried his entire family in one day. His parents, siblings, wife & 5 children. Does hearing of this not stir some kind of compassion in your heart as well? People are people. We may look different, we may worship in different ways, but pain is pain and our blood all runs the same color. Does an Afghan mother grieve any less intensely when her son is killed than the mother of a firefighter in New York? The knife cuts both ways- at times my heart trembles inside me.

I am a strong believer in ethics. I believe it is God who enables human compassion, mercy, and unity of heart & spirit. Jesus Christ was called "A Man of Sorrows'. Why? Because He loved ALL people and felt their pain, He humbled Himself and became of no reputation in order to reach the poor, heal the sick and befriend the outcasts. "Jesus wept" and I love Him for it. In a way, its a priviledge to hurt for the suffering of others. The Christ was no promoter of Religion as far as denomination goes. He was respectful of Jewish beliefs, but it was not His intention to preserve their religious culture with all it's exactings. His mission was not to make the Jews strong and prosperous conquerers over the Romans. He promoted something higher, better, something only God above can give... a humble heart that gives and loves with genuine concern- no strings attatched. This is the path I choose and I seek to learn how to live this better each day. There are those who stand opposed to my journey saying, "Do not try to think for yourself- it's dangerous and you will end up confused. Listen to us and we will rightly guide you." they say. But I have never been so clear in all my life! The Truth, The Way and The Life are found in God alone- not in any one organization. There has been an awakening in me that I cannot deny. It has been both devastating and liberating at the same time. Letting go of my confidence in an organization and putting myself in the hands of Almighty God is one of the scariest things I've ever done. If you take an old rusted out automobile and slap several coats of paint on it to make it look good, underneath it's still an old rusty car. I need to be re-made from the inside out. There are too many unloving, do-gooders. These are the kind who do kindness for recognition and feel justified in pointing fingers at others.

There are no perfect people. There is NO perfect country or government. There is no perfect church here on earth. In the end, I will not be judged on my citizenship or my church membership. I will be judged on how well I loved. Merciful God, help me on this journey!