The days of my striving are winding down. This life is one BIG rat race! After 11 years of being a stay-at-home mom, living a quiet life, my re-entry into career life reminds me of why I decided to stay home with my kids in the first place. You see, it's all about more, more, more out there. I really enjoy where I work and couldn't ask for a better place, but even there, it's the whole competitive thing going on. It never ceases to amaze me how easily people who- for all appearances seem to be great buddies at work, will take up gossip and put-downs behind each other's backs to make themselves look better. Guess it's just the way it is, but I'll never accept it. Are there any REAL loyalties out there?? I really like everyone at my workplace and get along with them, but sometimes I wonder what is being said when I'm not around? I was blessed to be out of the madness for over a decade- now I'm back to work and able to see somewhat objectively. People tend to walk on each other in attempts to get more power, more influence, more money so they can get more stuff. I don't ever want to walk on anyone or use other people to my own benefit.
When I was in college, I wanted to close the door on my past. I was going to be a career woman with lots of education that I could flash in people's faces. Nobody was ever going to call me 'poor white trash' again! I wanted the money, the big car and all the fancy clothes so I could rub it in the faces of those who tormented me. Now, don't get me wrong, there's nothing SINFUL about having things and enjoying them. But I'm learning to be comfortable with who I am and my family is even more precious to me since we don't have as much time together now. It's not what one possesses that makes one rich. It is connectedness and contentment that make us wealthy in this life. I don't want a house full of stuff, I want a home full of happy memories. I no longer feel I want it all. I just want enough...
Enough lovin' to feel satisfied and appreciated
Enough time with my family to invest in them emotionally
Enough inspiration to be creative
Enough freedom to be myself
Enough critters to entertain me
Enough space to fit necessities and a few extras
Enough joy to keep me going
Enough sadness to keep me human
Enough downtime to nurture my spirit
Enough challenge to keep me on my toes
Enough friendship to keep my heart open
Enough sunshine to feed me
Enough fresh air so I can breathe
Funny how life goes in full circles! When I was really young, all I wanted was to be with the one I loved, build a house, have a big family and work a farm. Then I got bit by the modernitis materialis bug. That's when I became discontent with the love I had and the life that I had been building up to for 10 years. I wanted to travel the world, get educated and "go somewhere" in life. I wanted to make albums. There were plenty of people to string me along- keeping my hopes up that someday I would be a recording artist. So I left everything- including my best friend- behind to pursue all the things I thought would make me happy. Well, guess what? Now all I want is to be with and enjoy my big family and work my little farm. Were my other pursuits a waste of time? No! This journey has been valuable in showing me what's really important. I really am a big nothing in the big scheme... and I'm learning to be okay with that.
My music dreams were precious and I've worked hard for the past 4 years to move ahead with those goals, however, I think it's just spinning my wheels. It's best to invest in what I have right in front of me instead of constantly reaching for something I may never obtain. I was willing to dream and invested myself in getting there, but the doors to that future remain shut. I must accept that as the will of God and embrace the life I have. I could play 'What if', but it's a game that never ends. What if we had more money? What if someone believed in my music enough to sponsor a CD? What if people took me seriously? What if we didn't have such terrible luck? What if I just happen to perform where someone discovers me? Well, I'm getting over it...
I will take what opportunities I can and work to support my family, but I'm not going to be part of the rat race.
Ever heard the saying, "Enough is as good as a feast". Grandpa used to say that. Well, I whole-heartedly agree and the simple life is the life for me.
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5 comments:
You've said a lot in your post. There's a time for striving and there's a time to pull back. There's a time for setting goals and a time to just enjoy life as much as possible as it comes.
Thanks.
I think it is so important to realize that going to work can fulfill you in one way but the true fulfillment in life comes from the love of God and your family.
It's hard to be in a gossip mill. But a group of stay at home moms can be just as bad or worse than an office.
Follow your heart....Guess who's inside there....right again!....
Hi Tim, Thanks for stopping by! :o)
Gingers Mom, you are absolutely correct in your observation. Stay-home moms can be big gossips too. I pretty much kept to myself for most of my stay-home years- not always by choice- that's just the way it was. Sometimes I was very lonely- especially when the kids were little, but I'd prefer to be lonely than get caught up in the head games people play.
Hi Don, visit anytime. :o)
Hey Brian, Sorry to hear you are in a dark spell. Hope things get better. It's really good to slow down, invest in those you love and keep writing. It's very theraputic isn't it?! :o)
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