In the darkest of times, the melancholy part of me kicks in and I get lost in my contemplations. I spend hours in prayer trying to figure out what God wants from me. This week, I had a revelation and one that brought me to my knees- even wrote a song about it. You see, I am guilty of worshipping things other than God.
Most of my existence has been built around Church. I wanted to grow the church, to be a leader in the denomination. The church was my entire life, education AND my husband's vocation. Now I see the church became a god for me. So caught up in being proud of my earthly religious heritage, I took little notice and found small comfort in the fact that I was a child of God. The hard times we've been facing for so long have served to help me re-focus. You see, God doesn't want us to be about building a church. He wants us to grow a Kingdom. God's vision goes so much farther than our own little box. We are content when someone gets in the baptismal tank and claims our denomination as their own. God is not content until the heart is truly connected in loving relationship with Him. We are content to be polite, shake hands and exchange small talk with each other on a weekly basis. God wants us to support each other consistently with familial love- one that would give anything to help the other person. This kind of love has been shown to us recently and it is very powerful!
Taking a step back from the mindset of churchianity has been a big eye-opener for me. It's been interesting how people react to my questions and examinations. Some lecture and chastize verbally, others write accusatory letters asking me to leave the church, however, there are some who simply love me and allow me room to grow as God leads. These people are my only lifeline with a stale church. If we could set aside prophecy, health message, fundamental beliefs, the big focus on 10 Commandments for a time and give whole-hearted effort to uplift the Risen Lord, perhaps we would find ourselves revitalized? Maybe we would find a renewed passion for God?? Maybe we need to realize that we are nothing- even with our schools, hospitals, publishing houses and big satellite television station. Those things we are so proud of have burned before and they are all going to burn in the end. Then it will boil down to character. How did we treat people? Were we self-righteous and judgemental? Did we step on others to work our way up to top positions in the church? God is not mocked- He sees the goings on, the politics, the headgames that go on behind the scenes in the religious setting.
God is building a kingdom- He's calling people out. More and more I meet other people who are disillusioned with organized church and all the expectations, rituals and exactings that are imposed within it's walls in the name of earning Salvation. (Salvation is a gift- freely given not earned) Kingdom seekers connect on a deep spiritual level, because we have suffering in common. We are outcasts- fringe elements- those who want something real and are willing to do whatever it takes to find it. Don't believe churchianity exists? Try asking questions- be who you are in Christ and see what happens. There will likely be pressure to conform. Those who consider themselves so rich in theological wisdom will be quick to try and shut you up and straighten you out. Why? Because a simple message is not welcome among those who pride themselves in being spiritually complex. If it's not complicated, then it's below them.
Truth is plain and simple. I'm a sinner in need of the Grace God offers. I've tried with everything in me to be good and keep all the rules & restrictions. Like the Apostle Paul in Romans 7, the good I want to do, I fail to do and the evil I want to avoid is the very thing I tend to migrate toward. Guess what? I can't do it. That's why Jesus came and kept the rules FOR ME. He died to cover my mistakes. He rose again to give me hope. He loves me. Now I can rest in HIS MERIT under a New Covenant knowing it's not about my being perfect, but in accepting Christ's perfection. Jesus said, "If you love Me, feed my sheep". What are the sheep starving for? L-O-V-E. They want to know a God Who cares and a people that show genuine concern.
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6 comments:
Oh you are truly my sister, sister. I wrote a poem called "On Religion" on my blog. I have been stirred, like you, from dream and a lie.
Amen, TL.
"Church" can be a false idol instead of knowing God. "Knowing about God" can be a false idol instead of knowing God.
There are too many "Christians" who fall into that trap - and at some point in our faith journey, we have ALL fallen into that trap.
I find myself constantly checking in with God to ensure that I stay out of that trap. Keep reading the Word and living a life that begins with Love God and Love your neighbor as yourself. Viewing Scripture through those lens makes it easier to stay on the correct course (although I freely admit it's not necessarily an easy thing to do).
We all must constantly knock down the idols we find in our lives. It becomes difficult, because often those "idols" are the things we hold most dear.
TL, your insight on this subject is refreshing. If only more people thought like you and I--the Church would be a better place ;)
You're right on here. We serve God so we can love others better. My favorite verses on this topic are Isaiah 1:11-18--
"`The multitude of your sacrifices—what are they to me?' says the LORD. `I have more than enough of burnt offerings, of rams and the fat of fattened animals; I have no pleasure in the blood of bulls and lambs and goats.
"When you come to appear before me, who has asked this of you, this trampling of my courts?
"Stop bringing meaningless offerings! Your incense is detestable to me. New Moons, Sabbaths and convocations—I cannot bear your evil assemblies.
"Your New Moon festivals and your appointed feasts my soul hates. They have become a burden to me; I am weary of bearing them.
"When you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide my eyes from you; even if you offer many prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are full of blood; wash and make yourselves clean. Take your evil deeds out of my sight!
"Stop doing wrong, learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.
"`Come now, let us reason together,'
says the LORD. `Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.'"
Trailady-
I believe the Spirit is in the process of expanding your view on all things. You perfectly described my wife and I a few years ago. Then I realized I can't DO enough to be acceptable. I can't be the person I think I ought to be. As we become broken, we see that it's not about us and what we do or don't do. It's about Him and what He's already done. Once we accept that premise, the Spirit will begin to open our physical and spiritual eyes and the Truth will become plain.
On another note, so you were once in Keene, TX. That's about 15 miles from my house. Beautiful little town.
Bluesbaby, Thanks for stopping by. Visit anytime! :o)
Andy, It is such a relief to know that it's not all about me.
Dustin, ha ha. I'm just a lady on a journey. I don't claim to have all the answers, but I know Who does. ;o)
Tompaul, Good thoughts, thanks for adding to the discussion. :o)
Don, You have NO idea what a comfort it is to hear from someone older than I who has been there and understands the pain of brokenness. I am experiencing growing pains, but I'm holding on believing that in the end God will have made something beautiful of my life.
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