Finding My Endurance...

When I was in college, I trained for the Dallas 26K marathon. I ran like crazy working myself up to the big race- it required great dedication and discipline on my part. Barely over 100 lbs, I was light as a gazelle. I could run 5 miles and barely break a sweat. I studied up and pulled from the experience of other runners who had gone before me, to get the best idea of how to succeed. My goal was not to win the race, but to finish honorably. My endurance wsa built slowly, but gradually and eventually, I could outlast a whole lot of people. I'm not really fast, but I am what Native Americans call a long-runner. A sprinter specializes and excels in short bursts of speed over short distances. They give it all they've got and then it's over. An endurance runner is slower and steadier in the race- they are in it for the long haul.

I find a lot of truth in the story of 'The Tortoise and the Hare'. Do you remember the tale? The Hare is overly confident in his own speed, technique and intellect. He takes off from the start line with a burst, leaving the others way behind. He gets so far ahead that he just assumes nothing will ever be able to catch him, so he decides to take a nap in the shade. Meanwhile, the humble little Turtle who has been mocked for even entering the race, trudges along consistently, overtakes the sleeping Rabbit and to everyone's shock and amazement, wins the race! Great story!!

I want to be like the Turtle. Too often I have been like the fast-n-flashy Hare. My whole life has been lived in fast forward. Forced to grow up too fast, I got married young and had kids, way before many of my friends were even hitched. My man and I poured on a burst of speed and jumped many hurdles, but somewhere along the way we got pretty worn out. I don't want to lay down and get lazy now. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to try and finish the race I started with my partner 14 yrs ago. Sometimes I'm tempted to think I could have done better, but really there is no one else on earth I'd rather be with. Jay has a calm, predictable nature that steadies me, while my passionate energy lights him up. If we can just get a break from major trial for a while- maybe 3-6 months where nothing awful happens to us, perhaps we would feel able to press on? (Those of you out there with more experience- does the breather ever come or is it unrealistic to hope for it?)

Jay and I finally had a chance to talk over the weekend. This comes a lot easier for me than for him. He really has to wind down and focus before he can put his thoughts/feelings to words. It came up in our conversation that if it weren't for all the outside factors that have slammed us over the years, things would be better. My man is easily overwhelmed. (more-so than me) When he is stressed, he shuts down and goes into what he calls "robot mode". He can't think and he can't feel. That's where he's been for a long time now and we both see the value of simplifying our lives. All I can do is consistently invite him to connect with me and be ready to listen when he does. The rest is up to him- these things can't be forced or rushed. So, it's not that we are a poor match- it's just that we really need a break- some time to unwind and re-connect.

Long runners don't try to do sprints and hurdles. They stick with the races they know and have trained for. When an endurance runner gets tired, they pull back the pace a little, but keep moving. The worst thing any athlete can do during a race is come to a complete halt- it overloads the heart with stress- people have been known to collapse- even die from stopping like that. The key to endurance is to find the pace, then hold on until the second wind kicks in. I think sometimes he and I both expect too much from ourselves. Providing for a family of 6, raising 4 kids, performing on a regular basis through several avenues, trying to sort out the trials in our lives and do all of this with smiling enthusiasm and flare. Well, neither of us are superhuman and unlike superman, we are fully capable of crash-and-burn. We need to simplify, but it's challenging- especially when you are an enthusiastic socialite like me. However, my family and marriage are more important than anything else in this world. So, like a disciplined athlete on a diet, I've got to cut back on extras.

God, we've never been this tired or challenged before. Grant us the strength to endure and overcome...