Last Night...

Had a great time at the concert last night! It was packed- standing room only. Barlow Girl is really cool. Three young sisters who are incredibly talented and have devoted themselves to spreading a positive message. My daughter thoroughly enjoyed herself and was able to get all of the girls to autograph her program. We were able to have a little talk about the facts of life on the way down and back. I love my daughter- this little blossom of a woman. She is growing in feminine graces and her cooking is really good. If anyone ever abuses her like I was hurt at her age, they will have to tie me down to prevent me from hurting someone. She is smart, creative and changing every day. I'm glad she's not boy crazy. I think it's important for a girl to have a strong identity without having a boyfriend as a crutch. When I was in school, I didn't date much. Lots of girls would go from one guy to the next and they were completely uncomfortable just being themselves without some significant other. Now, we are designed for companionship, but unless one has a good sense of self early on, they will lose themselves in someone else- which sounds romantic, but is not at all healthy.

One of the great things about being me is that I have such a wide appreciation for music. I had a huge Classical library- before my computer crashed, but I also enjoy some Country, Pop, Contemp. Christian, etc. I'm not of the opinion that God only endorses one certain kind of music- or only certain instruments as worthy to be used for His glory. I think it's more about the message of the song itself. I don't like fluffy, sing-songy type music in any genre. I like material with depth. 'Barlow Girl' music reaches me where I am right now.
The crowd at the concert was mostly young people clapping and singing along during some of the songs. I stood against the wall in the back with tears rolling down my face- especially during the song 'Never Alone'. In the words of David, "How long oh Lord will You hide Your face from me?"

I believe healing comes. I know it's possible. But it doesn't make it any easier being in the fire and feeling so alone. I am completely undone- what more can God possibly do but take my life? If my man and I recover from the events of the last 3 yrs, it will truly be an act of God, because we have nothing left from which to rebound or rebuild. I want to believe that although my heart is cold right now, someday I will be warm again and able to write songs about victory over this experience. I choose to believe that someday I will look back on all this and laugh about it.

Interestingly enough, I keep bumping into this guy named Chris who started a group called 'The Black Sheep Coalition'. He and his wife were ejected from their church for being independant thinkers and for their "liberal" views on how Christ receives sinners. They have now started a group that meets for fellowship, prayer & praise. Last night, I turned around while waiting in line with my daughter for autographs and there they were. They seemed as happy to see me as I was to see them. Chris had a hard time of it. A former heavy-metal player and biker, he was refused entrance to the church and baptism at one point because he had tatoos. What nerve! Who gave the church authority to turn people away? Christ said, "Whosever will", often the church says "Whosoever will..... conform to every minute detail of organized religion". Chris has a testimony, knows his Bible, loves the Lord and can preach a real sermon off the top of his head. He is the first to admit he's still learning. But the one thing he does know is that God loves black sheep- the broken, the misfits, outcasts and rejects that nobody else wants. Chris is a little edgy- reminds me of what disciple Peter must have been like, but I respect him. The three of us had a good talk last night and they gave me their phone number, saying I should call them anytime if I want to cry, pray or testify. Cool! Too many Christians are quick to correct and slow to listen. Not the case with Chris & Kelly. I feel like I could share anything with them and they wouldn't judge me, lecture me or turn me away. Jesus didn't go around dictating to people. He did set up some guidelines for behavior in the Beatitudes, but He mostly challenged people to examine their lives. Most people are smart enough to figure things out if they are sincerely seeking after God. Christ did not insult their intelligence by laying everything out, He invited people to THINK for themselves. That's a kind of love you don't often find. We are going to invite them out for a visit in the near future.