Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Being Touched...

Something good happens once in a while and I LOVE IT when it does! That's when someone shows delight in seeing you come into the room! This happens each day at the YMCA when I'm finished with my classes and go get the girls out of the nursery. Little Emma looks up from whatever she's doing- her whole face lights up, she squeals with delight and comes running over to me to be picked up and held. It really makes my day!!
Over time & tears we lose our ability to experience life as it was meant to be enjoyed. Because so often we associate touch with abuse we have suffered, we shut down to it's healing power. Others, because of intense self-loathing deprive themselves of this sensory element. This is sad. I'm going to try harder to show my enthusiasm next time I'm glad to see somebody and reach out more. We ALL need to be touched, appreciated, noticed and affirmed. It's really sad how we humans take each other for granted. Some people go through days, weeks, even months without touching anyone or being touched. How lonely! I remember back in private school handshakes were very popular because it was the only kind of touch that was permissable between guys & girls. Amazing the encouragement that is transferred via a simple pat on the back or warm hand on a shoulder. Many people with dirty minds have lumped all touch into one category- as being sexual. This is wrong!! Erotic touch demands a response. There is a nurturing touch that is simply a gift. When I appreciate someone, I naturally want to touch them. Not flirting or wanting to have an affair of any kind, just need some kind of connection with the other person- male or female. I often restrain myself for fear of giving the wrong impression. Sharing thoughts, feelings and ideas is an abstract interaction we experience everyday, but to lay a hand on one's head or shoulder, to embrace is concrete. It is needed warmth. Whenever I visit a massage therapist I cry on the table- not outloud really, but the tears flow. I don't know why, but that soothing kind of touch somehow releases my emotions. I felt foolish and apologized to the masseuse. She said, "Don't worry, I get that all the time!"...

Babies are more likely to die in ICU if they aren't touched. God designed us for touch with millions of sensory receptors on our skin. We are one with our mother's body for nearly 10 months, then we are born. Thereafter, if we have a nurturing mother or father we are held & touched a lot. The older we get, the less touch we receive, then we hit puberty and suddenly ALL touch is bad? This is wrong! Parents should still hug & hold their children. Perhaps our children would be less likely to get in trouble with the opposite sex if the need for touch was met by the parents. There is nothing shameful about a father hugging a daughter or a mother a son!

I know some married couples are rarely seen even holding hands. I've heard many laments by spouses who don't understand why there's very little physical touch involved in their marriage. We start out caught up in the fires of passion, but that fades very quickly, then what? The worst kind of loneliness is to be married without intimacy. Since you are married, you're no longer entitled to seek touch from anyone else. Because you are all grown up, nobody is going to hold you in their arms. Couples should regularly connect both through erotic and nurturing touches.

An experiment was done years ago by grade-school teachers. For one school year they took part in the study. One group never had any kind of physical contact in any way with their students and discouraged them from any physical contact with each other- desks were spaced wide apart, etc. The teachers of the second group would shake hands, high five, pat the head or shoulder of their pupils daily and encouraged students in play that involved physical contact, (Duck, Duck Goose, etc.) while a third group touched or didn't touch their students at random. Guess which teachers had the most well behaved, high-scoring and close-knit classrooms? Yep, you guessed it, the ones who consistently touched. Truly- today because touch has been so perverted- you really have to be careful how, who and where you touch someone.
Touch is so important that small dogs and cats are now used as therapy animals for the elderly and infirmed with great success! Studies show that petting any animal for 15 minutes can lower the heart rate and bring blood pressure readings down.
So, shake someone's hand like you mean it. Hug your wife and kids. If you don't have anyone in your life, pet your dog or cat, but experience the gift of touch today.

12 comments:

Royce said...

OH MAN was i jumping up and down when I read this post. I whole heartedly agree. If someone does something good a good hardy slap on the back is in order. I am a straight as it gets but will hug my male friends if it is warrented. It is amazing how much better you/others feel with a sympathetic hand ot your/their shoulder.
When my kids run across the room to sit in my lap it is an unbelievable feeling, one of my step-daughters was particularly hard hit by the divorce and or rather her fathers behavior before the divorce. She NEEDED a male father figure that he did not provide. She will come to me some times and curl up under my arm beside me and get lost in feeling something secure, strong and protective. She only does this for a few minutes when things get bad in her head, but after she has sat still for a few minutes she gets things sorted out and goes off and plays like she doesn't have any burdens to bear anymore.
Touch is definately a good thing

Trailady said...

Drop in anytime Cowgirl & Brian. :o)

Good for you, Royce! Way to be there for the girls. Wish my stepfather had been even the least bit nurturing, but he never really gave a rip. Girls tend to take divorce of their parents pretty hard no matter how bad things were between the parents. This time is crucial in their healing and development so I'm glad you are there for them.
Hey, I tried to check in to your blog several times today and it denies me access. Did you shut it down or something?

Royce said...

No I didn't shut my blog down, and I have been having trouble with it too, sometimes i can't access it myself, but people are leaving comments so I don't know.
Do me a favor try it as soon as you read this then let me know if you can get it, if you can't I need to get ahold of someone about how to fix it.
(By the way I have lost 21 lbs yeehaw!! 79 more to go)
Thanks

Trailady said...

Royce, Nope still can't access your blog it says "Profile Not Available". I suggest maybe you try republishing your entire blog if you haven't done that recently and see if that helps. (It always gives you that option after you write a new post.)

Congrats on the weight loss! You've been working really hard!!

Royce said...

Found a setting that prevented my profile being shown publicly, try it now

Andy said...

Trailady - so true, so true. Like Royce, I have no qualms hugging my male buddies. Of course, touching, hugging the wife and kids is SOOOOOO important and so wonderful.

Trailady said...

Hey Royce- it works now. I'll comment tomorrow.

Marcel said...

Being that my love language (per Gary Chapman's, "The Five Love Languages")is physical touch, this entry brought wide grins. That's on the personal side. Unfortunately, my professional side (I do some H.R. consulting) heeds caution as I've seen my share of sexual harassment cases because of what "huggy touchy" individuals assumed harmless.

Asma said...

nice post .....very true

curious said...

..and here is an internet hug for u:) its so very true...I need a hug from my husband every morning before i get out of the bed...it works wonders!

Trailady said...

Hey Marcel, I really enjoyed Chapman's book on the 5 love languages.

Thanks for the hug, Curious! back to you!! :o)

Cinderella said...

"We ALL need to be touched, appreciated, noticed and affirmed."
Yes we do.
I've fallen in love all over again.