An Audience of One...

In the end it doesn't matter what anyone else says. What do you know in your heart to be true? This is what you must live by and hold to. Everyone has an opinion and an angle. I must be true to the Voice that speaks in me and live my life for an Audience of One.
As I read through scripture, I see many, many people who did what they knew was right- even though many others would never understand. I think first of the prophet Hosea. God told him to marry a whore named Gomer, to love her and be faithful and kind to her. Can you imagine the thoughts that ran through Hosea's mind?! "But God, I'm a believer and this is really going to smear my reputation if I marry a loose woman." "But God, how will the people ever respect or listen to me unless my wife is a perfect example?" Hosea does not throw up any arguments, he simply obeys God and learns to love Gomer and takes her back many times. God's ways are mysterious! Sometimes what seems madness or foolishness to the wise, is exactly what God uses to bring about His will.
How about Daniel? He and his friends stood up to peer pressure many times while in Babylon. They refused to eat food that was harmful to their health. They would not bow to worship an image as commanded and were thrown into a fiery furnace, but surived. Later in Daniel's life he prayed openly to God 3 times a day- even when it was forbidden by threat of death. Daniel succeeded, because he lived for an Audience of One.
Then there is The Christ. His message was vastly different than that of other religious leaders of His time. In a culture where religion was profitable, He had no home of his own, no seat on His local church board, no donkey of His own to ride. He spoke the truth in love, with authority in His voice- even when others wanted Him to be silent. He lived and laid down His life according to the will of God. He brought the kingdom of Heaven near. Not a kingdom of men, but that of God. A kingdom that reaches out to whores, tax-collectors, lepers, zealots, beggers and outcasts- for no other reason than the fact that they are breathing human beings. (Jesus cared so much He even went beyond the living and reached out to the dead- raising them back to life.) He is doing that for me. Though I breathed, I was dead inside. Dead- both in my sins and in my efforts to compensate for those sins by good behavior. I was defeated and depressed. God is reaching into the darkness of my soul and raising me into newness of life. I cannot be silent about what I have learned!

There is a point of letting go. A place of surrender where all human agendas, dreams, goals and mindsets must be laid at the feet of God. I am in an intense phase of my spiritual journey. It cannot be about me anymore, it must be about what God wants and has done for me. I have asked Him to show me truth- painfully, it often differs from what the majority believe. It's not going to win me any popularity contests. God's ways are not my ways. I am asked to surrender everything to Him. The scales are falling off my eyes. It is an amazing and terrifying process, but one I believe necessary in order for me to learn how to love not- only God, but myself and those around me. I do not have the words to describe what I feel inside, but there is a living connection. I have cried many tears of frustration, but also of joy. I have studied and prayed until late hours of the night until I felt like my soul was being drawn out of me. Like Jacob long ago, I am wrestling with God, but in the end I know He will prevail and I love Him for it.