It's Been A Long Road part 1

I was only 19 when I got married. I was young & optimistic. My new husband was the only guy who was ever willing to listen to my history and walk through the grieving process with me. For this, I felt I owed him my life and my being. So we were married without a dime to our names. He was incredibly pre-occupied with his studies & radio work. I married for intimacy & companionship, so this was hard for me to take. 1 year later I was pregnant with our first child. (wasn't planned) After a very long 40+ hrs of labor, I had a C-section. Recovery was difficult. This was devastating to me as I was an athlete in my final year of a Health/Fitness degree. I carried my sleeping newborn to class in a front pack and managed to complete my education (despite the nay-sayers), graduating with a 3.8 grade point average. My In-laws demanded that we move back to PA with the baby, so the day after I graduated, we packed up and left TX, despite the fact that I had a career offer right out of college teaching Bible & P.E. at an academy. My husband, daughter and I lived with my his parents for 8 months, because he couldn't find work. Talk about stress! He loved being with his mother again. Feeling displaced, I packed a bag to go live with my parents for a while till he was ready to have our own place again- he begged me not to leave and promised to try harder to get a job. I stayed. 2 months later he found 2 part time jobs and we moved into a rented farm house. We agreed that I should stay home & raise the children. I only had 1 baby to care for at the time, so after doing all the chores in our huge 4 bedroom farmhouse, I would sit on the couch feeling as if that big house was going to swallow me up. Once a leader, a performer involved with numerous social activities, now I felt like a nobody in a huge, quiet house with no TV or computer. Being the fun-loving person that I am, I was BORED.
Then came the call to Yakima, WA. We dropped everything for a chance for my husband to have a career. Halfway across the country I began to miscarry our second pregnancy in a truckstop bathroom in Salina, Kansas. I was 4 1/2 mos pregnant and devastated. We stopped for a day Wyoming to rest after it was all over with, then kept driving to WA. When we arrived I was weak from blood-loss, pale and heartsick. The Yakima Valley was the UGLIEST place I've ever been. Brown & barren high desert. When we drove over the mountain into the valley, my man said, "Well, this is our new home" This Trailady burst into tears. My husband worked incredibly long hours without pay for 8 months while we lived on sponsorship in 1 bedroom of someone else's home. I did home care for an elderly lady with Altzheimers. Now, I was far away from family or friends. All I had was my little girl. I loved her dearly and wanted another baby. 2 mos after we got to Yakima we received a phone call from PA. My dear mother-in-law was dying of breast cancer that metastasized to her brain. This was a devastating loss as she had taught me so many things. The family wanted us to return to PA. So, the internship was put on hold, we threw our bags into our little Escort wagon and headed home. I begged for another baby & somehow, just 3 1/2 mos. after miscarriage, I was pregnant again. We had 2 weeks to visit with her and say goodbye. I sat beside her singing hymns and stroking her forehead as she passed. After the funeral, I stayed with my Father-in-law to help care for him and be company to the new widower. My husband then returned to Yakima. We were apart for 6 mos. He finally returned to PA for Christmas and New Years, then we moved to Louisville, KY where he was Station Manager of WSOH. This time he worked from home, but he was so preoccupied with work- we never got to do anything together. I felt a bit isolated and looked forward to weekly church and grocery shopping every other week. Since we still didn't have any money, when the time came for our second child to be born, I returned to PA where a midwife who did my prenatal care would attempt to deliver the baby at home for low cost. Unfortunately, I was unable to deliver a second time after 36 hrs of labor and 5 hrs pushing. We drove the 10 miles to the hospital for another C-section- with no insurance to cover it. We had a beautiful baby BOY. Made payment arrangements. I was taken back to Louisville just 3 days post op. and recovered in our apartment while my husband did his best to figure out a way to sell underwriting for the station- which didn't have much coverage. No church member offered any help- even though they knew we had no family and that I had a C-section. My man tried to assist wherever possible, but his work was very demanding and it was terribly hard for me to manage a 2 yr old and a newborn with a 6 inch gash in my torso and feeling so tired.
Four months later, we were called back to Yakima, WA as my husband was offered a position as Program Director for the network with a little better pay & benefits. (Thank God) We loaded up our stuff AGAIN and headed West where we stayed in one bedroom of someone's home, this time for 3 mos. while I tried desparately to find an apartment that would be affordable on one meager income. Finally found an 800 sq ft. apartment and we were soon moved in. Our two children were such a joy to me! Again, the only time I got out of the house was for church each week & shopping every other week. Then we got a computer, so at least I had e-mail. Sent out a ton of messages with few replies. Honestly felt nobody cared about me anymore. I felt lonely and forgotten. Desperate to connect with someone, I got caught up in a study group that taught a bunch of false ideas and legalistic rhetoric. While my husband was working 10-12 hour days, I was home studying the books I was given and making some radical changes. ( to be continued )