Things that Make Me Feel Beautiful...

For years- especially as a child- I felt ugly & unlovable. I was extremely insecure. I received constant criticism about my looks. Too fat, too fair, too freckled, too short, too thin, etc.- eventually I believed I was completely unnattractive. I punished myself by starving/throwing up. There's something magical about your 30's though. Somehow, with the love of my husband, deeper relationship with my God, greater wisdom & experience there comes a certain confidence I can't explain. The only word I can think of is "Settling". I'm learning it's okay to like myself and be me. I still don't feel beautiful very often, (Don't like seeing pictures of myself) but today, through a simple gesture, I felt beautiful- no Radiant! You see, thanks to feminist rhetoric, women aren't treated as if they're beautiful/feminine creatures anymore. I miss that! I'm a forward thinker, in many ways, but I'm still old fashioned. I like having the car door opened, my chair pulled out. Okay, I hear you asking, "Well, what happened that made you feel beautiful??" Really quite simple: I was going into the gas station, an older man- probably in his early-mid 50's was coming out. He took a few steps past the door, noticed me, stopped, smiled big, tipped his hat, then rushed to open the door for me. I smiled and thanked him. Still smiling at me he said, "You're sure welcome, little lady"! I loved it!! People are still polite here and that's why I LOVE living in the South. See- you don't have to move mountains to make somebody's day brighter...

I grew up being a radical tom-boy. Didn't always get much attention from my Dad. Thought my hero didn't have time for me because I was a girl, so I tried my best to be a boy. In a sense, I was the ultimate feminist. Anything a boy could do, I set out to do. I even had my hair cut in a flat-top once when I was in the 5th grade. I was rough- people didn't want to mess with me! Rode any horse brought my way and played just about every sport public school offered. I hung out on the B-ball court in the projects- until it became unsafe to do so. I was fit & sporty- no frills or fluff for me- which drove my dear, ultra-feminine Mother nuts. She wanted me to be Shirley Temple, I wanted to be Susan Powter. Girls at school often hated me & made life miserable. However, things have changed. Feeling the power of my body to bear & nurse children was when my attitude started to change. And now this sweet "becoming" of me... it's been a gradual awakening, but I like what I'm feeling. I paint my toe-nails sassy colors, wear perfumes & lotions. I enjoy feminine styles & hair arrangements. I feel beautiful working out, embracing a small child, dancing barefoot in the rain, attending the symphony (I always cry), when my husband takes me on a date or brings flowers. Also feel lovely wearing pearls, singing to God, and when someone just notices me- like the stranger at the gas station. Sometimes as a stay-home Mom, I feel silenced & invisible. I was once a leader, people viewed me as competent, now everyone else gets to be the leaders- I tend to go along for the ride. (Don't want to make waves) Sometimes I feel buried by responsibilities so nobody can see who I am anymore. For this reason, I wish to thank my readers. It means a lot to me that with millions of Blogs out there, you stop by, read my thoughts and leave your comments. You have given me a voice again. You have NO idea how much it means! THANK YOU!!