There is something positive to be said about purposefully simplifying our lives. This takes discipline- especially for a sociable person like me. I LOVE people and thrive on activity. Perhaps that's why God paired me with a man who is content to be alone and prefers a quiet life? (Sometimes I get really bored, but he has a point.) There have been times in my life where I had so much going on, I could no longer listen to the Voice that speaks inside of me. Too many other voices were calling my name and I was running my head off trying to appease them all. In a sense, my activities had become gods. Any time activity replaces relationship, there is something MAJORLY wrong with the picture- the issue needs to be addressed. Frantic activity helps people avoid facing reality or the gravity of their situation. Other times, keeping busy is a coping mechanism- making up for the void in a marriage. If your life has gotten out of control, take a time-out and ask "why". Life is too short to go around masking our problems. We need to square our shoulders and turn to face them head on.
Recently, my husband informed me that he cannot and will not continue to live at the pace we've been living for the last couple of years. He firmly planted his foot on this. Out of respect to him, I agreed to drop an activity we've been involved in. Difficult? Yes, but mostly due to the fact that I feel like I'm letting somebody down. Also turned down the opportunity to hold a responsibility I really would've enjoyed. They were pretty understanding about it. Can't do everything- especially with 4 kids and a reluctant husband in tow. So, I'm learning how to simplify and I think it's healthy. (Still don't understand why I always felt the need to strive to go above and beyond the call of duty- that's another post...)
Contentment is something I struggle with. I am a dreamer, an adventurer. Yet I can see how the richest man is NOT the one with the most toys, but the one who is content with the simplest life. When I look around at the many struggles and tragedies people endure in this life, it makes me grateful for who I know and what I have. I don't want to take anything for granted, because it can all be taken away in a heartbeat. I'm learning to accept my own limitations. Truth is, I don't have boundless energy, lots of free time or unlimited resources, so I must manage what I do have wisely.
Here are ways I can simplify:
1) Scale down wardrobes- a majority of my housework is managing clothes. Okay fine- I'll never fit my body into a size 5 again- time to get rid of those clothes that take up closet space!
2) Ditch all yard sale fodder, etc. that accumulates around the house. Less to dust/look after.
3) Be involved with no more than 2 activities outside the family. Plan for down-time.
4) Stay on top of things and be organized.
5) Screen phone calls & trash junk mail/e-mail- not obligated to read every forward I receive!
6) Stop investing time/energy pursuing toxic/dead-end relationships.
7) LEARN HOW TO SAY NO- people may seem to resent this, but secretly they will respect you
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8 comments:
Yes Inheritor, you are 100% correct! :o) My first job is keeping my family together & sane, so anything beyond that- no matter how worthy a cause, must be viewed as expendable "extra-curricular activity".
Before I became a Christian I was filling every second of my day with activity to escape the pain underneath it all. I worked 2 jobs, volunteered, went to school full time, and tried to accomplish a big task everyday. After I became a Christian I was thrown into the same kind of life when the leaders pressured me to be involved in every type of ministry available. I had to go to Bible studies 6 days a week to "grow." I had to hang out with people at church to "fellowship." I had to put my church family in front of every other facet of my life because that's "what God wants from us." Pretty soon I started to resent Bible studies because my grades were slipping, my family thought i joined a cult (I sort of did kind of), and I became irritable at work. I think it is tempting to draw new believers in and keep them accountable, but there is something to be said for allowing them to take steps on their own. We should be careful what expectations we place on new believers who are eager to please and be accepted. I became burnt out and had to go to the hospital at one point. I was only 21!
Now, a few years later, I commit myself to 2 Bible studies a week and I am free to use my time a bit more wisely and thoughtfully. When activities become a burden I don't think God would want us to continue at full speed!
he richest man is NOT the one with the most toys, but the one who is content with the simplest life.
powerful science around this one little profound statement. ..worth pondering over an entire life time while whatever we do.
Jody- WOW you really went through the ringer. Did you find that you had approval issues? In other words were you doing all that in hopes that your new social group would approve of you? I can't begin to tell you how much I did in the past to gain approval, but now that I am getting more comfortable with who I am, I don't seem to need thumbs up from others as much. Sounds like you are getting more balance in your life. You GO girl! PS. I like your little diamond pic. :o)
Thanks Brainsyke, that's an original Trailady thought I had in response to a bumper sticker I saw that said, "He who has the most toys wins".
Hey Brian, Sounds like you have your priorities in the right place. Good for you! Keep putting your marriage first and your life will be sweeter for it. Others should follow your example...
Trailady,
Yes, I did want to fit in. I am a people pleaser and I wanted to make new friends. I am still tempted to jump at an opportunity to serve when I visit a church that announces they need people to do stuff, but each time I think God holds me back a little, partly to let me off the hook and partly because I am afraid of getting involved right now. Maybe someday.
I think it's fine to invite new believers to join bible studies and social gatherings, but pretty soon I was a youth leader, and assisting with the college, women's, and nursery duties. The leaders were "blessed" to see me so "plugged in," but if I ever missed a Bible study they would question my spiritual aptitude. The college pastor even insisted that I schedule all of my classes around the church Bible studies, and I ended up cutting Mon. and Wed. night classes to make it to Bible studies and then I stressed out if my grade slipped or if I didn't know what was going on in class. I think we need to allow each other to live our own lives and trust that God will work on the details. We can support each other without wrecking each other's lives!
Boy this really reminds me of my latest post on one of my blogs. TL, I'd invite you back to check it out. This post of you yours really spoke to me. Thanks and keep posting.
Jody, ABSOLUTELY agree with you!! As Christians we seem to think that if we aren't swamped with duties we're letting God down. But you know, I'm learning that God really doesn't need me like I thought He did. He has other people who can do what I do. He enjoys it when I invest myself in good things, but if I do so at the neglect of my health or my personal relationships, I've got my priorities screwed up! Good for YOU!
Lisa, Balance is one of the hardest things to acheive. As humans we tend to be one extreme or the other. You will find your balance and your breath. I know this because I'm finding mine- it's possible. :o)
Karl, Good for you! Glad you guys are also simplifying. We can only go full speed ahead for so long before we crash & burn. I don't have time for that, so I'm slowing down, taking a breather. Grant it, I'm still involved, just not quite so heavily. Blessings to you & yours!
Yeah, saying NO.
One cannot beall things to all people, and though it is nice to be there for other people, one needs to be there for one self too ... laters ... Q
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