Five Years Ago...

Five years ago this week, our last precious child was born. It was early morning and we were headed to the hospital. I was BIG pregnant and it was time for sweet baby #4 to make her way into this world. After a uterine rupture trying to give birth to baby #3, the OB decided we should just skip the labor part & have a planned C-section. My first 3 babies were born by section after marathon labors and hours of torment pushing. I SO wanted to have a natural birth experience, but after section #2, I was told it would be risky to try again. My self-esteem faltered and I wanted to be successful, so I gave it all I had with my third baby. 32 hrs of labor, 2 hrs of pushing and a C-section later we had a beautiful baby girl to hold, but my foolish pride had nearly cost both of us our lives! I was a young, fit,determined person with high pain tolerance- everything pointed toward me having babies- no problem, so it was extremely frustrating that I couldn't have natural childbirth. However, I now see this as a valuable object lesson for my spiritual life. You see, I'm a hard worker! I want to be the best I can be. I like to be a "giver"- not a "taker". I did everything humanly possible to give birth & failed. Were it not for modern medicine, I would've died with baby #1. Instead of basking in the glory of giving birth, I had to put my life in the hands of my Dr. and my babies were lifted from the womb by someone else's effort. I wasn't even conscious for the birth of my first child, and I was paralyzed from the chest down- completely helpless- for the birth of the last 3. My babies were worth every minute of recovery I had to endure. So what's the lesson here?? I can grunt, strain, grit my teeth & sweat to produce fruit. I can push to be better all the time and pamper my spiritual vanity, but in the end all my righteousness is as filthy rags. I believe the ONLY way good will come from me is if I place myself in God's hands and allow Him to draw it out of me. All my efforts to give birth were in vain! My beautiful babies were born while I was flat on my back on a table and someone else did all the work for me. God doesn't NEED me, but He wants me. He doesn't want me working hard & sacrificing to impress Him. His love is not based on my achievement. He wants me to place my life in His hands and REST. That's what Christ has to offer each of us!! Are you laboring in vain?